Marriage, Divorce, and Childcare in Daily Life

After the ritual marriage of Pawiwahan (3.6.3), daily life — couple dynamics, divorce, raising children — shapes the modern Balinese family. A dual system of Adat (custom) and national law operates. Patrilocal residence, multi-generation living, Banjar joint childcare — the traditional — collide with urbanization, women's labor, overseas migration — the modern. Foreign residents entering a Balinese family meet the landscape of the 21st-century Balinese household.

A. Married Life After the Wedding

Residence pattern:

• Patrilocal residence standard (3.6.3)
• Bride moves to the groom's Karangkang
• Living with parents-in-law — first 1–5 years or for life
• Modern — couple-only villas or apartments rising (cities, foreigner areas)

Role division:

• Husband — agriculture, business, outside work + external village ritual
• Wife — housework, childcare + Banten making + family-temple ritual
• Mother-in-law — grandchild care + teaching daughter-in-law
• Father-in-law — lineage advisor, ritual decisions

Modern changes:

• Dual-income couples rising — in cities
• Women in foreign companies — housework / mother-in-law tension
• Overseas work (Australia, Japan, Middle East labor) — couples separated
• Online business — couples collaborate

Marital conflict:

• Mother-in-law / daughter-in-law tension — most common
• Household finance — father-in-law controls (traditional)
• Second wife (polygamy) — Indonesian law allows, rare in Bali
• Affairs, property disputes — rising with urbanization

Sources: Geertz H. & Geertz C., Kinship in Bali (1975) · Bali Post — family-change coverage

B. Divorce — Dual Adat / National Procedures

Traditional — Adat dimension:

• Klian Banjar mediates first (4.1.2)
• Sangkep discussion
• Pedanda consultation
• Lineage (Dadia) assembly
• 80% resolve at this stage

National law — Pengadilan Agama (religious court):

• Hindu Court — Bali Hindu couples
• Cooling period after separation — usually 6 months
• Mediation → judgment
• Property division, custody decided

Child custody:

• Traditional — father's family (patrilineal first)
• Modern — custody can go to the mother
• Pengadilan Agama judgment
• Grandparents, uncles, aunts — often co-care

Property division:

• Adat — land, house, Sanggah remain with husband's lineage
• National law — equal-share principle of joint marital property
• Often Adat prevails in Bali
• Foreigner divorce — Bali lawyer essential

Remarriage:

• Common in Bali — divorce rate 30–40% (lower than Indonesia average)
• Small Pawiwahan on remarriage
• Bringing children into remarriage — common

Foreigner–Balinese divorce:

• Bali foreigner-law firms (Australian, Dutch, Korean lawyers)
• Cooperation across both countries' courts
• Children's dual nationality (3.6.3) — bi-national agreement
• Foreigner's assets — home-country law may apply
• Bali real estate (5.4) — foreigner rights weak

Sources: Indonesian Marriage Law UU 1/1974 · The Jakarta Post — Bali divorce coverage

C. Balinese Childcare — Communal Responsibility

0–3 years — infancy:

• Before Telu Bulanan, the mother carries the baby
• Feet do not touch the ground — spiritual protection
• First Otonan (210 days) — ritual entry
• Grandparents help heavily
• Communal childcare — Banjar neighbors and relatives freely carry

3–6 years — early childhood:

• Early Balinese dance, song education
• Grandparents, uncles, aunts teach
• Free play in the family courtyard
• Village ritual participation — carrying small canang

6–12 years — primary:

• Public primary school (SD) — free
• Morning school + afternoon Balinese dance, gamelan
• Canang making, ritual assistance — girls
• Banjar youth (Pemuda) apprenticeship — boys

12–18 years — secondary:

• SMP, SMA — exam competition
• Mepandes (3.6.2) — close to 16–18
• Studying in larger cities — Denpasar, Surabaya, Yogyakarta
• Overseas study (Australia, Japan, US) — wealthy families

18+ — youth:

• University, employment, marriage
• Formal Banjar ritual participation
• Live with or separate from parents

Informal childcare network:

• Parents-in-law and own parents (both sides)
• Uncles and aunts (Bibi, Paman)
• Older brothers, older sisters
• Banjar neighbors — children move freely to the next door's courtyard
• Pembantu — foreigner households, well-off Balinese families

This communal childcare underlies Balinese children's sociability, calm, Banjar identity.

Sources: Howe L., The Changing World of Bali (Routledge, 2005) · Bali Post — childcare series

D. Modern Family — Five Trends

1. Declining births (2.3.2)

• TFR 1.95 (2023) — below replacement
• Economic burden, women's labor, education costs
• Banjar dues / ritual burden pressuring family size
• Brahmana, Ksatria families too 1–2 children

2. Urbanization, nuclear-family formation

• Denpasar, Sarbagita (2.3.2)
• Couple + children single household rising
• Living separately from parents-in-law common in cities
• Difficult to maintain Sanggah after separation

3. Women's labor participation

• Hotels, tourism, foreign companies — many women
• Dual-income couples common
• Childcare — mother, grandmother, Pembantu shared
• Husband's housework weak

4. Overseas migration / labor

• Australia, NZ, Middle East, Japan — Balinese workers
• Hotel, kitchen, caregiving jobs
• Couples separated — 1–5 years
• Remittances — core of family economy

5. Marriage and migration with foreigners

• Bali–foreigner marriages rising each year — Australians, Americans, Europeans
• Migration — Balinese spouse follows to Australia, Europe
• Ubud, Canggu foreigner residents — Balinese-style family formation
• Foreigner-Balinese mixed children rising

Sources: Tempo — Bali family-change coverage · The Jakarta Post — Bali migration statistics

E. The Foreigner's View — Inside a Balinese Family

1. Signals of being included in a Balinese friend's family

• Otonan / birthday invite — friend recognition
• Wedding invite — close friend
• Family meal invite — family recognition
• Ngaben invite — true family (the deepest)

2. Marriage to a Balinese — family integration

• Foreigner joins the Balinese family
• Parents-in-law, grandparents-in-law ritual parents
• Karangkang co-residence (or nearby)
• Sanggah ritual participation — after Sudhi Wadani

3. Foreigner children and the Balinese family

• Foreigner children born in Bali — Banjar registration, Otonan
• Sibling-like friendship with Balinese friend's children
• Balinese dance, gamelan learning — cultural asset for the child

4. Pembantu family

• Deep connection between foreigner family ↔ Pembantu family
• Participation in Pembantu family's weddings, Otonan, Ngaben
• Foreigners often fund education for the Pembantu's children
• Multi-generation family friends possible

5. Raising foreigner children — the Balinese environment

• Public schools (SD) accept foreigners
• International schools (Bali International School, Green School) — many foreigner children
• Bali childcare — community, nature, ritual
• Western parents adopting Balinese practices is common

6. How a foreigner family settles in Bali

• 2–3 years — tourism, trying
• 3–5 years — Banjar registration, Balinese friends
• 5–10 years — deep relationships with Balinese family
• 10+ years — member of a Balinese family, child growing up Balinese

Quick Summary

Sources / References

• Wiki — Marriage in Indonesia · Demographics of Bali · Balinese kinship
• Official — Indonesian Marriage Law UU 1/1974 · Pengadilan Agama — religious court · Bali Provincial Government · BPS Bali — demographic statistics
• News — Bali Post — family-change series · The Jakarta Post — Bali divorce statistics · Tempo — Balinese overseas migration
• Academic — Geertz H. & Geertz C., Kinship in Bali (University of Chicago Press, 1975); Howe L., The Changing World of Bali (Routledge, 2005); Hobart M. (ed.), The Art and Culture of Bali (1995); Picard M., Bali: Cultural Tourism and Touristic Culture (Archipelago Press, 1996)